


Don't Want To Understand

by writing_regen



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, He needs a rest, Hes gotta live forever now, LOVE HIM, Love the pibk zombie boy, Thats a lot to take in, poor boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:17:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_regen/pseuds/writing_regen
Summary: Lars is... struggling with everything that's happened.There are many words he realizes he never really understood before they were thrown in his face.But maybe he won't be facing them alone.





	Don't Want To Understand

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really short one shot I wrote at like... midnight? And that was edited by my amazing friend, Cam! Love you babe <3

It… hadn't really settled in at first. The pink didn't matter to him. He was standing next to a twenty foot caterpillar of at least five different colors, no, that's not what had him feeling like he was standing on the edge of a cliff where he had no idea how deep it was. 

Death.

 

It wasn't a concept he'd ever really taken the time to fathom. Death had been… trivial. A nagging fear at the back of his mind, a full-blown panic at the slightest invocation. But never a reality. Until it was. 

 

By all means Lars had died. He was well-aware of that fact. And yet here he was, alive - for the most part. There was no heartbeat in his ears, no blood pulsing through his veins. It was difficult to understand. 

 

‘ _ Am I even human? Would anyone back home… accept me?’  _

 

These were thoughts that hovered and dashed across his mind too fast to grab but slow enough to see. He tried to push them away, to reassure himself, but he'd never been good at that. Never been good at seeing the bright side - or putting on a smile, or anything positive like that! He had always been  _ Lars _ , an emotional teenage boy by every length of the word. A  _ human  _ teenage boy. 

 

But he wasn't any of that anymore. There was more to him now and he wasn't sure how to grapple with that. Some of the change was for the better he was sure, not that anyone would know he had tried. His family,  _ Sadie _ , they still only knew the Lars they had… put up with at best and he hoped to change that. 

 

But as much as he'd wanted to change this was taking things to a point he'd never wish on anyone. 

 

Things that were unimportant now blared in his face like the end of the world and problems that he'd been concerned with fluttered away from his mind on panicked, escaping wings. 

 

Silence. Lars had never known true silence until he was in a cave. No birds, no bugs, no waves, no wind, no breath. No blood pulsed through his veins there was no  _ heartbeat  _ in his ears to counteract the ringing in his head at the maddening - sickening - heavy silence that would settle in during lulls of conversation. 

 

Feeling. Rock and stale air for - well he didn't know how long. It all began to blur and fade into one and then into none. Everything was so monotone and he missed the spontaneity of Earth. 

 

Missing. Earth. Oh God, how did he miss Earth. With storms that caused the sand to run and seas to writhe. Pure, unadulterated laughter and the  _ wind  _ and the  _ warmth  _ and the sun! The sun with its sunsets and seagulls and silent soliloquies. He missed the constant fear of death as crazy as it sounded. It offered  _ something  _ anything in the fading dregs of humanity. Now it was a full worry and an aching sadness in the given realization of outliving  _ everyone. _ The fact that he was destined to outlive family and loved ones and friends and everyone he ever cared about ate him up inside. The helplessness that he could do nothing to stop it because death didn't seem real until he experienced it.  Because death wasn't something he could control, and he  _ hated  _ just having to bend to its every whim.

 

A shiver ran down his spine and caused him to lay back on the cold, monochrome, monotone, stone before Steven emerged, gasping for breath.

 

Steven’s voice broke the suffocating silence with an ever-excited “Lars!”

A moment later, Padparadscha burst into the area with a shout of, “Human Lars! I just had the most wonderful vision that Steven will soon visit!” The exclamation was accompanied by a large grin on the small Sapphire’s face. 

 

Lars smiled as Steven began to babble, “So I went back and I began to explain to everyone and guess what! Pearl said that…”

 

The older teenager soon began to tune the excitable half-gem out, a soft, genuine smile on his face (the first he’d had in what felt like a very long time) as he watched the other Off-Color Gems file into the room, attracted by Padparadscha’s cries.  The talking filled and broke the suffocating silence and the color and life broke the monotony.

 

It felt like another family. A unique family, but one he could definitely feel himself falling for. He was perfectly fine with that.

  
So, maybe he wouldn't outlive  _ everyone  _ he cared about. 


End file.
